My Apologies.....

Alright. I am going to take this time to apologize to the woman I told off today, and all of the witnesses in Albertsons. I will explain:

I was at the said store today to purchase some produce with my children in tow. I was trying to make it quick, with a promise of a pack of gum purchase as a reward for well behaved children. As I was at the self check out, both boys earned the coveted reward of selecting, and even scanning their little purchases. I was scanning my own items "with help" and trying to keep order so that the scanner knew which bar code to read and that Calvin's weight on the bagging scale was not actually anything I was lifting from the store, the chaos intensified as Calvin grew ever more frustrated that his pack of gum would not scan. Helping him, was the wrong move. I manipulated his hand around the pack of gum so his hand was not obscuring the bar code and could be read. He had a melt down.

Now in the wake of Seth's departure just 9 days earlier, and being overly tired, all emotions were running high. He flailed, and lashed out at me. I dodged and he tripped and fell.

Now my melt-down begins.

I picked him up and was focusing all my energies on maintaining what little cool I could. I zoned in on keeping my very tired emotions in check, I sat Calvin on the floor in front of the scanner in a "time-out."

He wailed louder.

I was attempting to find the produce number for the pineapple, (all of which came up "item unknown") and growing aware that we were drawing many looks, including that of the supervisor of the self checkout, though he made no move to assist me with the number for the pineapple. Calvin was screaming "DON'T LEAVE ME MOMMY!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!" despite my reassurances that I would not leave him, I loved him and was not going to leave him.

Now those of you that know me......well or just casually, know that I have a voice that carries like a foghorn on a ship in distress........I like to think that I just have really good projection, from "years of theatre training"......*ahem* so in spite of my attempt, and even feeling like, I was keeping my voice to a minimum, I have no doubt that I could be heard on the opposite end of the store.

At this moment, I noticed a woman, who gave me a very disgruntled look, and a "Pff!! Oh my gosh!"

To which I replied, "You know, my husband just left for deployment, and my children and I are still feeling the emotional effects from saying good-bye, so if the peanut gallery has some suggestions for me that doesn't include criticism or judgement, I'm all ears!"

Then the self-checkout attendant quickly put in the pineapple number, saving the store from anymore embarrassment, I paid, and departed. (with both children I will add.)

Now I am ashamed of 2 things here:

1. That I lost it that much and was so focused on my own frustration, I could have been telling off my best friend or mother, and not realized it, I was so blinded. And

2. I was so vindictive, I used Seth's leaving as an excuse to take my frustrations out on another. (No matter how justified I may have felt.....or perhaps still do)

So my apologies to that woman, and any other innocent by standers there may have been. Too bad I don't have pictures to add for this one......